On being human
December 30, 2024
The One who had no start and knows no end
Became confined in time and tense
The Everlasting God
The Great I Am
In the mercy of a mother's hands
"Arrival" by Hillsong Worship
There are two instances in my life, both from this past year, where I think I truly came face-to-face with my human condition in the most physical sense.
The first instance was during my solo trip to Iceland in April. For years I had dreamed of doing a road trip along Iceland’s Ring Road, the national road that circles the entire country. After a few previous failed attempts to plan a trip between an airline going bankrupt and pandemic travel setbacks, I finally made it out there.
The day that I set out to explore the Snæfellsnes Peninsula was the first day of my trip that I was seriously challenged by the unpredictability of Iceland’s weather. The area of the country that I wanted to explore was experiencing a snowstorm that contributed to unideal road conditions. In my naïveté and my pride, I took my chances of pushing my itinerary “just one more stop” further and further down the peninsula until the national road conditions website labeled the rest of the route as “impassable”. No problem, I knew coming into this trip that I would need to stay flexible with my plans, and I had checked off most of what I wanted to see in this area anyways. I proceeded to turn around and head back.
A sudden gust of wind and snow came out of nowhere and caused the van to jolt. In my panic, I did exactly what you are not supposed to do: I slammed on the brakes. This girl who has spent her whole life in Hawaii and Southern California had never experienced snow and wind like this before – I accept the faults of my naïveté and my pride. I lost control of the van, swerving left and right and eventually off the road entirely.
I was in a state of total shock. I had never gotten into a car accident before and did not know what to do. At first I tried getting out of the van to see if I could dig enough of the snow out of the way, but that quickly proved to be impossible for me when I slipped and fell and started to be blown away from the van. That was by far the scariest moment, when I realized that I was dealing with an actually dangerous situation.
With everything that could have gone wrong but did not, I know the grace of God was heavy upon me. I thank God that I managed to get back onto my feet and into the van, that I was not injured, that there was no one else on the road who could have gotten injured from my swerving, that the van was not damaged, that the road did not have steep drop offs on the side, that I had a phone with cell service (I actually had broken my phone the day before almost chose not to get it fixed – a story for another time), that I had the money available to pay for roadside assistance, that I stayed sane during the two hours of uncertainty and waiting…
This experience cemented the lesson that there is a worthy fear of the Lord that must come from not only my spirit and soul, but also my body. If even these powerful winds that have me scared for my life bow down to the sovereignty of God in worship and in order, then how much more powerful is God…
The second instance was from this Christmas Sunday. As I was walking back to my car after service, I ended up alone on the sidewalk with a homeless woman coming from the opposite end towards me. I did not think anything of it until the closer we came to each other, I realized she was perhaps mentally ill. I started stepping to the side since she was walking right in the middle of the sidewalk. She did not take that gesture very well, and she came after me and whipped a belt in my face. Thankfully nothing more than that happened, and I walked away with just a light abrasion on my cheekbone and a small missing chunk of hairs from the tail of my eyebrow (which, honestly, made me chuckle when I looked at myself in the mirror later that night).
I question if I am being overly dramatic when I say this, knowing that everything turned out okay, but the fear I felt when this woman came after me was terrifying. My driving accident in Iceland was definitely scary, but at least I was the only person responsible for what happened. Being put in such a physically vulnerable state by another person feels dehumanizing – your life is not considered as valuable as the other’s, such that the other wants to inflict pain on you.
Your life is in the mercy of someone else’s hands. Though I wonder if this actually is one of the essences of being human.
I recently finished reading the book of Acts. I think about the stoning of Paul in Lystra. I imagine how beaten and bloody he must have appeared for his perpetrators to think, “We did it, he’s dead.” Yet Paul rose up and went on to make many disciples. Paul knew “through many tribulations we must enter the kingdom of God.”
I think about the stoning of Stephen, whose personal life we know nothing about, but what we do know is more important than anything else. Stephen was full of grace and power and the Holy Spirit, and he saw the glory of God… oh, how I long to see it too. Stephen was faithful until the very end, using his final breaths to cry out, “Lord, do not hold this sin against them.”
I think about Jesus’ crucifixion. Jesus, who was fully human, naturally did not want to face his own death. If I felt momentary fear being approached on the sidewalk, how much more fear did Jesus feel that night in the garden of Gethsemane? But he submitted himself to the will of his Father, knowing that it meant he had to cross the point of death in the cruelest way.
For something to have an end, it needs to have a start. I think about Jesus’ birth. Jesus, who was fully human, made his entrance on earth as a fragile newborn baby in the mercy of a mother’s hands.
This Christmas, I am grappling with what it means to be human. I am not entitled to my life; I may lose it at any moment. When the end comes, no matter the circumstance, how will I choose to accept it?
For Jesus to choose to step down from heaven and become human like us, out of love… that truly is a miracle.
Some moments of peace with my Creator from my time in Iceland, minus the first photo…
